Matter transmission

The Doenitz matter transmitter was developed in 1957 by one Duncan Doenitz at Baker House, MIT. The fundamental idea was to measure the velocity of an object with such precision that the position became macroscopically indeterminate. The idea works alright, but there are problems. The full details of the experiment is given in the paper, “Tomato sauce, Pepperoni, and Heisenberg”, J. of Irresponsible Results, V 97, pp 31-38, 1961.

The gist of the experiment was as follows. Doenitz and his coworkers, Bagelle and Croullier, secured a test object (a medium pepperoni pizza with extra cheese, to go). They first supercooled the test object in a shock mounted environment. Once its position and velocity were relatively stable, they measured the velocity of the test object with incredible precision using the quark resonance technique. (For details of this technique, see “Topical applications of chronoplastic infundibula”, J. of Completely Bogus Physics, V 38, scroll 37, 1381.)

Unfortunately they overlooked the fact that the uncertainty of the position of the test object was macroscopically distributed. When the wave function collapsed the test object was distributed more or less uniformly on the walls of the lab, the lab instruments, and the experimenters.

…. Another service message from the Van Pelt Institute of Contemporary Science ….